College Football Coaches Sure Are Doing Some Stupid Shit To Fire ...

holy cross football summerslam

by Tommy Gimler

Whatever happened to just grabbing your quarterback by his face mask and telling him that if he makes this touchdown pass to the back right corner of the end zone, then the entire Delta Sigma Theta house is probably going to fuck his brains out?

Apparently, it takes way more than that to get your players� �all� these days.

Videos surfaced on this thing called the Internet this week of two college football programs who matter almost as much to the success of the sport as I do to the sportswriting community. First up? You guessed it: Centre College, a D-3 program in Bumblefuck, Kentucky that actually had one hell of a season a year ago, going 10-0 until they were curb stomped by those one-percenter fucks from John Carroll University 63-28 in the playoffs.

In an effort to boost team morale, defensive line coach Jeffrey Collett decided to get tased earlier this week. For whatever reason, he first decided to dress like my meth head Uncle Mike, and then it was lights out:

Then, deciding they were not going to be outdone by some other chubby fuck from a D-3 program, two coaches at Holy Cross decided to slap and choke slam their way though an interpretation of last weekend�s WWE SummerSlam:

Look, for pure entertainment value, I love it. I mean, it�s hard to find something funnier than a fat guy who looks like he still lives with his parents get tased. But if this is what it takes to fire up your college football team these days, I think I�ll shop elsewhere. I mean, you can�t tell me that when Centre�s D-line is staring down a 4th and 2 with 14 seconds left to go in a game in early November, some player in the huddle is going to say, �Hey, guys. Remember when Coach Collett took a taser to his spine? Let�s do this for him.�

No way.

In the end, they�re going to push through the opposing offensive line to preserve the victory because they know some college coed might finger his asshole at house party later that night because of it�

Wait, there�s more: The Beer Mile Sounds Like A Running Event We Can Finally Get Behind�Maybe

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